My Personal Blog

For now, you can find my personal blog at fmtlife.wordpress.com.  The address may change but I will keep you posted on any future name changes!

Was I a Jerk?

I wasn’t going to post, but something happened this weekend that’s been eating at my brain all day.  In the interest of being able to concentrate again, I must ask you guys a question.  Something happened at work that left me wondering if I was justified in saying what I did, or if I was a raging bitch for no other reason than I hate how life is going right now.  You may recall June from previous posts here and here.  Yeah, she pretty much thinks I’m the cuntiest bitch ever now, and I think she acted like an entitled prick.  I guess that makes us about even.

First you need to know how tipshare works at BC.  Using some cockamamie math, Schmarden determines how much tip out you are required to give the busser and bartender each shift.  Something about your total sales factoring in the time those employees were clocked in and stuff like that.  In any case, we all had to sign a form stating that mandatory tipout is, well, mandatory, and required by all tipped employees.  I don’t recall if it specified the jobs to which we would be tipping out, but the computer only has calculations for busser and bartender.

Money is the Cause of and Solution to All Problems (Apparently)

I’m convinced that things like to go to shit as soon as I feel like I’ve got it under control.  I have about five different problems coming to a head all at once (the details of which can be found on my personal blog) and I think that crawling under a rock sounds like a good idea right about now.  Cripes.  No new posts for a while unless I’m looking for an escape from reality for a moment.  If any of my readers happen to be loaded, I’ll gladly accept monetary donations of $5000 or more to assist in my straightening out of this crap.

Edit: The comment about money was written in a haze of anger and was meant as an indicator of how much money I’m going to be out once everything is said and done, not counting any additional student loans.  I do not actually want you guys to send me money.  Unless you really are a millionaire, in which case send as much as you want.  Thanks much.

Fucking AWESOME

I’m glad to report that today’s all-day shift resulted in a good post this evening!  I had two large parties today that I took by myself but was able to auto-grat, which is always good.  Both grats were about $30, but even better?  One table gave me an additional $20 as they left!  I reminded them that gratuity was already included (because I would have felt like an ass taking so much money) but they insisted that they knew and wanted to show me how much they appreciated my service!  Hot damn, you’d better believe I was fucking pleased as punch.  I nearly cleared $200 for a full day’s work, which is far more than what I consider an acceptable take for a Saturday.

I constantly felt like I was on the verge of being in the weeds, but I managed to keep my ass out of the weeds all the same.  I didn’t stop walking from the minute I walked in until the minute I walked out, and damn can my feet complain about it.  Still, all of my tables were super nice to me and several chatted with me about school and my goals after graduation.  Damn, it was a good day.  Our regional director — at least I think he is…maybe he’s just the area director…fuck, I have no idea — also visited and stayed for lunch.  Guess who was selected to wait on him?  That’s right, me.  This is my second time; the first time I was totally green and shook so badly that my general manager noticed and told me to chill out.  This time, I was still a little shaky due to nerves but overall very smooth in my presentation.  Just like last time, he told me I did an excellent job.  Booyah, bitches!  The regional (area?) director is a totally cool guy so I really shouldn’t have been nervous either time, but he’s so damn nice that I can’t help but be nervous.  You expect him to be some hardass and then he smiles at you and asks something like, “Are you having a good 2012?”  Can’t ask for a better management team, I tell ya.

Can I give you the icing on the cake?  I bought myself a gift tonight.  It’s a jacket/vest sort of thing that I’ve had my eye on for over a year, and it will come in very handy when we go overseas again.  It will function as a daily wardrobe item, too, but I’m mostly excited about the oversea functionality.  Woohoo!  I’ve gotta go to bed so I can have another awesome day tomorrow.  I wish I could feel this badass all the time.

Checking In

Nothing of note has occurred at work recently, which obviously makes for poor writing material.  Sorry, guys.  I’ve also started my last month of school, so that’s eating up a significant amount of time.  The prof has assigned three books and three writing assignments in addition to two tests.  Keep in mind that this class is only for the month of January!  Still, I think it will be fantastic.

In other news, I believe that I am suffering from mild whiplash after firing my husband’s 30-06 rifle.  I had declined all offers to fire it for years, then finally decided, “Why not?” this weekend.  I got the first shot off and it didn’t kick too bad.  I’d even say it was fun.  It’s a Remington 1903, made during WWII, so it’s quite heavy but the bolt action is the best I’ve ever seen.  Before I got off my second shot, I realized I was barely able to hold it up anymore and consequently did not seat it properly against my shoulder.  The second shot jarred me and is very likely responsible for the whiplash I’m experiencing.  My fault, oh well.

Just thought I’d give a little update.  Hope to have new posts soon!

Return of the Worst Commenter

Oh, would I love to share what “Springs1″ posted in the comments but oops, I have her IP marked as spam.  Silly me. Know why?  She is one of those customers who seems to think servers are actually slaves.  I would release the doozy of a comment she posted, but it’s more of the same shit that she always posts.  “Blah blah, I’m important because I pay to come out to eat and therefore you should lick my boots if you want the whole 10% I tip.  Also, I will look for reasons to decrease your tip to 0%, including things that are out of the server’s control.  You’re a shitty server, obviously, because you have a blog that contains the bitching you don’t share while at work.  You’re also probably stupid since you’re a waitress to begin with.”  She also said – and I quote – “I would not want you as my server.”  Well, I wouldn’t want you as my customer so I guess we’re even.

Newsflash, bitch: Obviously I am not a shitty server, otherwise I would have been fired years ago.  Obviously I am not a shitty server because at least once a shift, a table asks to see a manager just to tell them how *perfect* my service was. Obviously you are an idiot, because you can’t seem to understand that what someone writes on her blog does not mean that’s how she acts while at work.  Obviously you are too stupid to understand that saying or doing any of the things I write here would get me fired, and seeing as I still have a job I’m obviously not treating my guests the way I would sometimes like to.

Confessions

I don’t base my serving behavior off of body type — though clothes can tell me if I’m serving non-tipping Okies.  There is something to be said about appearances, and being fat is not an indicator of how I should serve my guests.  The way they treat me is the #1 customer behavior that tells me how I should behave.

When someone asks for biscuits before I even get their drink order, we’re mysteriously out of biscuits until the end of their meal.  When someone tells me they want a fuckton of biscuits, I will bring them two baskets…and then we’re mysteriously out of biscuits until they leave.  The biscuits aren’t an appetizer, people; they’re complimentary with the salads.  People who eat biscuits like they’ve never seen food before are the kinds of people who tip like shit.  Sorry, but I genuinely think this is true.  Some weekends I perform some half-ass scientific studies in which I make notes about my customers and then compare tip percentages.  So far, biscuit-hoarders tip less than the average customer.  Hispanics also tip less, but I think that is more due to my store’s location and is not completely a reflection of that group.  Okies always tip much less than average, and people who don’t make eye contact with me tip somewhere in the range of 5-10%.  I think they purposely won’t look at me so they can’t see the person that they’re treating like crap.

Pro tip: when your server asks how you’re doing today, you should return the favor.  We both know neither of us actually care, but the gesture of you asking will incline me to believe that you are a better tipper and I will therefore bring you endless biscuits.  True story.

I Made A Funny!

Courtesy of StripGenerator.com, I give to you a strip that’s been floating in my head for weeks now.  It seems that every whiny bitch will never be satisfied, but I’ve figured it out.  They don’t want you to actually fix the problem, they just want to watch you suffer.

You can check it out here.  I’m not including it in the post because 1) it would require me making a screenshot of it because I can’t directly link to the image, which makes me think they want me to link to the page and 2) I’m lazy.

Merry Christmas.

And My Heart Grew Three Sizes Today

This month has been full of rude people who treat me like their personal slave then tip me a fraction of what would be appropriate.  It’s been a month of misery and, while I still enjoy my coworkers’ company, the customers have once again managed to make me drag my feet on the days I must go in to work.  Today I met someone who actually cared, and she was probably only 7 years old.

I shared a large party with a coworker and we were both grinning because, after a night of yet more 5% and 10% tips, we could autograt this table and at least get the money we deserved for our work.  I drew a little holiday picture on the ticket with “Merry Christmas” written below like I do for all my tables, then dropped the check off with the guy who was nice enough to pay for everyone.  They were a very nice group, but I sure didn’t trust them to treat us right…tip-wise, you know.  Just because a table is nice doesn’t mean they know how to tip.

Tipping Overseas

Damn, guys.  I feel like an ass.  I traveled to Austria two summers ago and was generally assured by everyone and read in many books that tipping was a no-no.  We are planning another trip to Germany and Austria, so I’m excited.  I was browsing travel forums and was shocked to find that in both countries, tipping 5-10% is the norm!

In the travel books I had, it suggested no tip.  Many places on the internet say otherwise, but I failed to check the internet before our last trip.  Now I feel like an ass.  All those travelers I’ve ever waited on who fucked me over…well, I still say, “Fuck you,” but now I know what it’s like to mean well but still fuck up on foreign tipping custom.

Rest assured, whenever we travel again I’ll be more on the up-and-up.  Awwww, poor servers we had last time…!

Addiction is an Ugly, Ugly Thing

I will not work the smoking section.  Ever.  Cigarette smoke aggravates my allergies, makes me feel ill, and above all is not good for my health.  I do not hate smokers, but I hate the smokes.  I only hate the smokers who act like their addiction affords them special treatment.  Sunday mornings are the only time of week when our bar area is smoke-free.  Until 4 p.m., no one can light up in the bar area.

I hate being scheduled in the bar area on Sunday mornings because 1) no one wants to sit there, even if it’s smoke-free, because somehow sitting in the bar area implies that you’re a godless heathen, and 2) when we go on a wait and people choose to sit there instead of wait longer, those people are still pissed about sitting in the bar area.  I get screwed out of tables and even the ones I do get tip shit because they’re either pissed off or from Oklahoma.