Here’s a tip: We don’t have “vegetables.”
We do have vegetables, though.
Does the menu say anything about us serving vegetables? No, it does not. It says we serve potatoes, broccoli, green beans, or a vegetable medley with your meal. Don’t tell me that you want “the vegetables,” you fucking asshole. PICK ONE. When you say “vegetables” I think “vegetable medley.” Then it gets to the table and you complain that you wanted broccoli. Then say you want fucking broccoli, you dickwad!
I can’t tell you how often this happened. In fact, I’m surprised I haven’t already posted about it. It pissed me off to no end.
“I’ll have the vegetables.”
“Okay, which kind?”
“What do you mean? VEGETABLES.”
“We have broccoli, green beans, and veg—”
“I don’t care, bring me vegetables. How hard is it to just get me vegetables??”
“Alright, vegetable medley it is.”
“Whoa, wait, what is that?”
“It’s a dish of roasted zucchini, yellow squash, tomatoes, and onions.”
“Oh, God, I don’t want that. I said VEGETABLES.”
I wanted to smack every single one of them. Actually, those ARE vegetables. If you want a vegetable you actually like, you should tell me which one you fucking want.
(And since I know some jackass is going to say it, yes a tomato is a fruit. Anything a plant produces that acts as flesh around its seed is a fruit. That means squash is also a fruit. Potatoes, however, are stem tissue, not a fruit. “Vegetable” is a culinary term while a fruit is both a botanical and culinary term. “Vegetable” does not group botanically similar structures together, while “fruit” might, depending on its use. So a tomato is botanically a fruit and, when cooking with it, a vegetable. My gift to you this Christmas is some biology knowledge; you’re welcome and Merry Christmas!)
Merry Christmas and thanks for all the entertainment you’ve provided this year. I had to smile when I noticed the culture difference in that post over here we dont list vegetables unless they form an integral part of the dish if we order vegetables as a side we assume that the meal will just come with some form of vegetable and happily eat what we’re given.
And if people happily ate any vegetable I gave them after they asked for vegetables, it wouldn’t be a problem here. But they want you to give them the vegetable they want, but won’t tell you what it is. Stupid fucking people!
Also, maybe people eat healthier where you are? I can’t tell you the number of people who laugh when I ask what side they want. “I don’t eat vegetables! I only eat MEAT!” they say. Gross. I like meat just fine, but I like vegetables, too. Not only that, but only eating meat isn’t exceedingly good for you.
No obesity is becoming a problem, Irish people always ate large portions but we also used to do a lot of manual labour, and get out and exercise more. We’ve switched to a more IT based economy, video games are popular with kids and cheap fast food chains are well established. I was almost 300lbs at one stage I got down to 168 but I still need to keep an eye on my weight its easy to fall into bad habits especially around end of term exams
Hey! I just discovered your blog, and really appreciate it. I’ve worked in food service for a few long years, never at a sit-down restaurant, but I’ve had my fair share of obnoxious customers. I’ve noticed in the few Facebook groups or blogs dedicated to servers I’ve looked at, a lot of them seem to have the attitude that customers are supposed to be helping the server, and I don’t get that vibe with you at all. When I go to a restaurant, I’m there to be served, and nine times out of ten I have a perfectly good experience. I’m not an asshole customer by any means, but there are some posts in here that are really helpful for me on the customer end (like your post about appetizers) because some of the internal processes of restaurants aren’t all that self-evident to customers! You seem to have a great attitude, and I’m glad you’ve made it out of the restaurant game! Good luck with your new job – I worked foodservice to get me through school, and my dad always said that if you can handle a job in foodservice for more than a year, you can handle a job anywhere!
Your dad is right. Having that experience actually helped me get my current job! Thanks for reading and I hope that I see you more in the comments. I disagree with you slightly on customers helping servers, but mostly it is my job and not your problem. But, for example, I don’t want to reach over your table with my armpits in your family’s faces just to reach a dish way on the other side of the table that I can’t reach. Just please pass it to me or don’t leave it out of my reach. That’s really all I’m talking about. It’s my job to take the plates away but watching me struggle to reach it when it’s siting next to the wall isn’t cool. I get the feeling you wouldn’t do that though. Thanks again, hope to see more comments from you!
I like our vegetable medley. Broccoli got so lonely on our previous starch-laden side list. Also, don’t you wish the sides list in the menu was in GIANT OBNOXIOUS HIGHLIGHTED bold print? I abhor rattling that list off ad nauseam over and over again. I live in GA and often say the list too fast for people here to catch it. I guess I should just talk in full slow-mo? I’m a biology student, and I love telling the kids about Homarus americanus, “It’s a decapod! Check out these pedipalps!” and they look at me like “The fuck?” Haha. Still enjoy your blog, hope you have a successful 2013 especially in your career.
Cale
You are awesome! Here are some more bits that you can lob at your diners. Potatoes, carrots, turnips & any “vegetable” growing underground are tubers. Strawberries are inverted ovaries (seeds on the outside) & the little “fibers” inside a section of a piece of citrus are juice hairs. Popcorn consists of unexploded endosperm, whilst anything in the cucumber & squash families are pepos. Raspberries & blackberries are drupes. Yeah, my sister refused to eat with me for years after I took some botany courses. She threw her fork at me after I asked for the exploded endosperm. Who eats popcorn with a fork?
Actually, strawberries are an accessory fruit. The “seeds” are actually the fruit. An accessory fruit is something that attracts seed dispersing animals to the real fruit (in this case, seeds). Cashews have an accessory fruit called the cashew apple.
Who eats popcorn with a fork, indeed?
Thanks for the additional botany lesson; I wish everyone knew these things!