Happy New Year!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Happy New Year and all that shit. I’m here to tell you how I’m going to be starting 2013. You remember how I said I was sooooo happy to be away from my religious family and welcomed my crazy father-in-law with open arms? Fuck. That. I would spend another week with my crazy religious family if it meant avoiding what is now in motion.

My in-laws are coming back home with us. Why? Well, we were a bit stupid. Money is tight this year and we knew my husband’s side of the family couldn’t afford to exchange gifts. My family, however, usually gives gifts even in hard times. We were thinking that they couldn’t possibly get us anything too large, so we opted to drive our Grand Marquis, a full size sedan, instead of our workhorse Expedition in order to save on gas. After all, we thought, we have plenty of trunk room even with our suitcase, and we can let it spill over into the backseat. The dog is in the backseat, but as long as he has one seat to himself he’s fine, and he never chews on anything but his toys. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

As we expected, my side of the family got us a few gifts. The largest was a humidifier for our bedroom since we now live in such a dry climate that we wake up with bloody noses. Awesome! We also each got a pair of new boots, which we will be wearing so they don’t take up room in our suitcase. At this point we were going to be a little cramped on the way home, but nothing too terrible. We were pleased with choosing the correct car. Until we visited my husband’s family. Indeed, they can’t afford gifts, but my sister-in-law’s new boyfriend was embarrassed that we brought gifts, as he had been told we weren’t exchanging them. We only brought a few very small, modest gifts but he insisted that he needed to get us something. Later the next day he heard my husband and I talking about getting a kitchen island since I need more counter space, and he sprung into action.

“Oh, I can buy that for your gift!”

“Oh, no, really, we couldn’t let you do that.”

“Really, please let me.”

“They’re kind of expensive. Really, it’s okay. We’ll get one when we get back home.”

He bought us one anyway. It’s exactly the one we wanted. Yay. Except now we have to bring it back home with us. We can barely fit it in the backseat of our car. Which means the dog would have to ride up front with us. Again, not that big of an issue…except that we had already purchased a convection oven that I’ve been wanting for a couple of years because it was on sale for 50% off. We had planned on taking up two seats in the back with the oven and the other gifts, leaving the dog ample room in the remaining seat.

Now we have a big-ass kitchen island in a box that takes up the whole back seat and completely removes the possibility of us fitting everything into our car for the trip home, even if the dog rides up front with us. Because where are we going to put the other stuff? Don’t get me wrong; I am NOT complaining about the gift. I’m glad we didn’t have to spend our money to buy the island. But the size does make getting it home quite problematic. And the store in our town doesn’t have one, so I can’t return it and then “order” another one for pickup when we get home. Of course, that would be too convenient.

So, my father-in-law who you’ve heard so much about decides that the best solution is to load up some of our stuff in my sister-in-law’s car and then drive all four of them with us back home. All four meaning my mom-in-law, dad-in-law, sis-in-law, and sis-in-law’s boyfriend. Oh, and their two dogs. Forgot about that. Yeah. Fun.

We have no food in the fridge, since we knew we would away from home for 11 days and didn’t want things to spoil. Our home is somewhat clean, so that’s okay I guess. But we still don’t have a working dishwasher so you can imagine how fun feeding all of them will be. Not only that but we’re still upside down on money from when Red Lobster cut my hours and I hadn’t found a job, so even with my first paycheck we could barely afford to even drive back to visit. We really can’t afford to feed four additional people for two days after that. So thank you, f-in-law, for inviting yourself to our house when I am neither prepared nor willing to entertain.

And have I ever mentioned how fucking loud my father-in-law is? And his dogs follow his lead, barking like mad anytime he raises his voice even slightly. And he tells very animated stories all the time, so of course his voice gets a little louder quite often.

I was looking forward to going home, getting naked, watching some ST:Voyager or Bones before I have to go back to work tomorrow, and having a nice quiet environment for the first time in over a week. I absolutely can’t stand being around my father-in-law for more than a few days. It’s a miracle I haven’t killed him already, and now they’re coming to my house? Fuck that. I’ll do without the kitchen island. Or the convection oven. Whatever will free up room in our car that will allow us to go in one trip and not take them along. I am absolutely sure that I can MAKE things fit if I try hard enough. Well, no, I’m not. But I would still return some items if it meant not having to drag the whole family back home with us. I’ve tried to be nice since it’s the holidays. I’ve really tried. But today I snapped. I’m worried I won’t be able to hold back much more if he’s going to be staying at our place.

Although, as my husband said, “At least you get go to work. I’m stuck with him while you’re gone. I’ll be all alone, listening to his bullshit.”

Indeed. At least I get to go back to work. That’s karma coming back to bite you for telling them they could come, dear husband. Enjoy your company…!

Oh, and Happy New Year’s. Again. In case I forgot in the midst of my bitching. Oh, and there’s a new T4T tomorrow, come back in the morning!