T4T is posting early, on Monday night, so I don’t forget about it tomorrow. Or maybe I just forgot to change the schedule date to post for tomorrow. You know, maybe. Ahem.
Here’s a tip: If you’re in a fucking hurry, don’t stop at Red Fucking Lobster.
On my next-to-last day, two ladies sat down in my section. They sat and talked for a good ten minutes, waving me away every time I attempted to take their order. When they were finally ready they barked their choices at me. As I closed my booklet the sourpuss on the left growled, “And we’re in a hurry. She has an appointment to make at 12:15 and we need to leave by noon.”
I remembered that the clock read 11:32 when I checked it right before taking their order. Motherfuckers, you have got to be kidding me. If you’re in a fucking hurry, order as soon as possible and don’t waste your time chatting while your food could be cooking.
“Of course. I’ll put a rush on it.”
Their food came out in 9 minutes, give or take, and they grumbled as I set the plates down.
“Well, finally. I was sure we wouldn’t have time to eat by the time it got here.”
I briefly considered effectively making that table my last table, but ultimately decided that there was plenty more money to be made that day and the next. It wasn’t worth bitching at these ladies and losing out on over $100.
I bit my tongue and said nothing rather than open my mouth and lose control.
I left the check on the table with the food to make the point that I knew they were in a hurry and they need not wait on me. Sure enough, though, they waited until the minute they needed to leave before paying. I know because I asked if the check was ready twice before I found the sourpuss standing with her hands on her hips next to the table with the check clutched tightly in her hands.
“Are you ready?”
“YES! I told you we were in a HURRY.”
Okay, that’s it. “Ma’am, I tried to take payment twice before noon but you said you weren’t ready.”
“Well, I’m ready NOW and you’ve kept me waiting!”
“I’ll get that paid out for you right now.”
I waited behind the two people waiting to use the nearest computer in plain view of the lady, instead of using the two free computers in the back… just to spite her, of course. How could she legitimately complain when she sees I’m waiting to use the computer and not doing anything else but trying to run her card?
Don’t be an idiot if you’re in a hurry, folks. I don’t give a shit about your appointments unless 1) you tip well and are super nice, or 2) don’t expect me to fix your poor time management skills.